Season 2016: Week 3

Good things come in threes, and here in week three we can expect many good things. The Full House Netflix reboot is moving right along, high waisted jeans are making a comeback, and butter is healthy again. These are truly incredible times.

  • Hammes – Anderson: Follow the smell of 99 Bananas over to sheet 8 for an entertaining clinic on how not to curl.
  • Rohde – Lawrence: The pregame pleasantries will be tainted by the Lawrence rink’s sticky piña colada handshakes. This will lead to better sweeping for all, but botched rock releases. Since Rohde is less accustomed to that state of being, Lawrence will hula away with a win.
  • Boomer – Lichty: Special guest Andrew W. K. will be on hand to give positive party vibes to both rinks. Boomer will let their metaphorical nape follicles absorb the energy and capitalize early, but the business sensibilities of Lichty will overpower in the last few ends to bring it home.
  • Allendorph – McGovern: Last year Allendorph drew power from their anonymity in the league, most of which was tied to their clever use of a pseudonym. This year the jig is up. McGovern is onto them and victory awaits.
  • Dveris – Jansen: This is the wildcard coin flip of the night. Getting a Jansen pick right is still one of the hardest things in curling but they were looking good in week one so they’re due for a slump. Dveris will capitalize and grind one out.
  • Haga – Wainberg: This will be a great bout. Both teams are still in calibration mode so opportunity abounds for either one to capitalize on a misstep of the other. This website told me that Haga will win.
  • Long – Dubois: Long will get sneaky this week and put together a strong assault but Dubois is not easily bested. Look for the old bait-and-switch around halftime to mark the inflection point of the match.
  • McLaughlin – Lickteig: Beard power.

Please enjoy this photo of Michael Gross.

What would we do baby?


Season 2016: Week 2

Half the league is tied for first! What a great time to be alive. Sadly, I have to rush the pics this week because of reasons.

  • Boomer – Lawrence
  • Hammes – Lichty
  • McLaughlin – Anderson
  • Long – Wainberg
  • Rohde – Dubois
  • Jansen – Moll
  • Dveris – Haga
  • Mclellan – McGovern

Got it? Great.


Season 2016: Week 1

Hey Metro League pals, I’m back with year number six of blogging all the highlights for the season.

This year we welcome a few new names to the skip’s list, Wainberg, Allendorph, and Haga. I know that Haga is a retooling of the Zimmerman rink, and I think maybe Allendorph is the real name for Rokke (not Rokke)? I’m not familiar with Wainberg, I think they’re new, if someone knows, please clue me in. As a survivor of multiple concussions, the memory part of my brain doesn’t always cooperate.

If I’m right, that means that we only really lost Crotty this year, which is a shame because they were great dudes to play with, but also a relief because they were really good at destroying people with their dark brand of outlaw curling. I’m sure we’ll see a few of them in the sub circuit.

That brings us to this week’s matches.

  • Rohde – Long: The Long boys are a year older now and a year wiser. Rohde will be there this week to keep a positive vibe and ease Long back onto the ice. The first few ends will be for funsies, but Rohde would like to win, so they’ll ramp up and make it happen.
  • Boomer – Dubois: You never know who you’ll get with Boomer on the roster, they’re like the mullet of the league, business in front, party in the back, and you never know which side will show up. Dubois has experience with both however and should be able to manage either situation with aplomb.
  • Hammes – Lawrence: Did someone bribe the club to orchestrate this match on week one. If Lawrence can get all of their guys back from Aruba before Wednesday night it will be a shocker. Rumor has it that Hammes is down one for the season. Who will fill in? Maybe nobody? I think this could be Hammes’ best shot at a victory all season.
  • McLaughlin – Lichty: McLaughlin, in search of Metro league greatness will take aim at Lichty who are looking to reclaim their Metro league greatness. I have a feeling this will be like watching two walruses fighting over the same seal. Lots of barking and flopping around.
  • Allendorph – Anderson: If I operate under the assumption that this is RnR, then I think we’ll have a good match. Allendorph seems like the kind of team that might practice, so Anderson will have to be quick to shake off the stupor they’ve been living with all summer.
  • Mclellan – Lickteig: Every year it takes a little longer for Lickteig to shuffle back out on the ice. I expect the attire this week will include dingy bathrobes and bunny slippers. McLellan could sneak out a win if they nod politely during stories of the REO Speedwagon show that someone attended back in ’86.
  • Jansen – McGovern: Bring in some cheese balls and take a seat to watch this one transpire. Quite possibly the most important match of the season will go down here. McGovern is ready to pounce and Jansen is ready to be pounced on. There will be pouncing.
  • Haga – Moll: Rebuilding is hard, just ask Moll, but they’ve had plenty of time to equilibrate and now look to turn their life lessons into a solid victory over a newly restructured Haga. Drinks at the Gnome this week.

Big thanks again to everyone who came out to the cleanup a few weeks ago. The Wednesday night crew definitely won the prize for best wipers.