Metro League News

SUPER SORRY! Things have been busy and I have totally let you all down.

Sadly, I’ll have to be brief today as well.

• McLellan – Rokke:
• Long – McGovern:
• Anderson – Lickteig:
• Moll – Jansen:
• Hammes – Dveris:
• Boomer – Rohde:
• Dubois – Pylka:
• Zimmerman – Lawrence:

Let’s have some fun this week.

Chili night is this week! Don’t forget. If it works out like past years, half the teams bring chili and the other half brings fixin’s. Don’t mess this up.

• Long – Lawrence: It’s “Bring Your Grandpa Curling” over on sheet 1. If we’re lucky, there should be a big bowl of Werther’s Original and some Pepperidge Farm goodies to be had. Make sure you stop in and say hi. And pull your pants up, nothing pisses off Grandpa more than saggy drawers.
• Lichty – McLaughlin: Sheet 2 is more like an America’s Cup gala. Good looking folks gathering for a worthy cause. Open up your wallets because carbon fiber yachts don’t grow on trees. Anyone want another Fresca?
• Rohde – Rokke: Sheet 3 plays out like the World Memory Championships. Lots of silence and concentration and when it’s all over, you’re not really sure how one actually wins. Stop by with a deck of cards and have your mind blown.
• Zimmerman – Boomer: Sheet 4 hosts a community theater version of “Whose Line Is It Anyway” where the improv is clearly scripted and the most of the laughs are steeped in a combination of pity, embarrassment, and blood relation. The standing ovation at the end is only because the audience is trying to leave before they have to pay the meter again.
• Dubois – Anderson: Report to sheet 5 for your college physical education elective. If you register early, you might get a coveted slot in the bowling or darts class. If you’re not so lucky, you may have to settle for intro to weight lifting. Either way, you’re bound to end up with a pissed off teacher in polyester shorts and thighs exposed way past the legal limit. Wear your sunglasses.
• Lickteig – Pylka: A visit to sheet 6 is not advised this week. Sure, they say they just want to ask you a few questions, but things get pretty accusatory in a hurry. Their story keeps changing. Are you being charged with anything? Can you see a lawyer? Are you sure? Then they pull the good cop/bad cop routine on you and you’ve got a new best friend who’s well connected with the District Attorney. Avoid it if you can, but if you get trapped, I can post bail.
• McLellan – Jansen: Bring your short pole and some night crawlers to sheet 7 and don’t worry about long underwear. They keep the shack nice and toasty all winter. A six pack is appreciated; just leave it by the door. Sounds like the perch are biting, and someone down the point has had some luck with the smallies as well. If you knock over that spitter one more time, you’ll be asked to leave.
• Moll – Hammes: This is one of those Lifetime Original movies where the woman has the struggles and then finds the strength to overcome and then finds a great guy but then ends it because she doesn’t need anyone but herself. A Vanessa Carlton soundtrack and a cameo by Jodie Sweetin can’t even save this recycled drivel. Sponsored by GoGirl.

Did I mention chili? Also, let’s keep this activity running smoothly by cleaning up after ourselves.