Metro League News

Sorry folks, the standings are in need up updating. Our team had last week off due to a schedule conflict from the other team, so I wasn’t able to get the results.  I assure you that we’ll get up to date tonight.

• Boomer – McGovern: What can I say? It’s always a pleasure facing off against these all-American lads. I mean, take away the foul language and the inappropriate gesturing and you really do have the boys-next-door, not next door to me, but next door to someone. Technology helps McGovern to a win.
• Lichty – Pylka: When Pylka is all accounted for, they can shake down the best in the league. Lichty has had some problems with truancy themselves lately so a mix of the two may not bode well for them. Pylka wins with style this week.
• Moll – Dveris: Moll could be late this week, and every week, as they are moving their home base of operations from the Gnome over to the new Surly brewery complex. Not quite as convenient, but worth the drive for them. Dveris is taking things in the opposite direction by pregaming in the parking lot with a zip-loc full of Pabst.
• Zimmerman – Rohde: Expect Rohde to put up a fight this week as Zimmerman continues to push folks around with their unique blend of flippant whimsy.
• Dubois – Rokke: I’m going out on a limb and putting some serious pressure on Dubois this week. These guys will curl out of their minds and put Rokke on the ropes. If there is enough maple veneer left on Dubois, they can pull out a stunning upset of the week.
• Anderson – Lawrence: Classic match-up. Normally, I’d tip my hat to the youth of Anderson, but what they don’t realize is while they feel like giddy school-boys in the prime years of their lives, they are actually careening toward old age. Sure Lawrence is already there, but at some point in their (distant) past they reached a very stable plateau to which they are unaffected by the passage of time. Woe is Anderson and their disintegrating cartilage. Lawrence will celebrate victory with a round of tart cherry juice.
• Long – McLaughlin: A guaranteed good time on sheet 7. For the rest of us, it will be like watching your kid brother’s baseball team go into extra innings. All the pride and heartache is worth it during this trial by fire. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. Um, McLaughlin?
• Hammes – Lickteig: Breaking news. Lickteig is F-ed. In a move not uncommon for Hammes, they’ve brought in a ringer and former heel of the Metro League as a spare for this match up. I’m not at liberty to reveal the identity of the sub, but let’s just say that the 4^th end social may be heavily skewed to the skunky flavors of an aspiring brewer. Drink up Lickteig, while your loss may have an asterisk by it, you’ll still have to live with the knowledge that you were bested by siren song of Hammes et. al.

If you have any results from last week that you’d like to share, please let me know in the comments or otherwise. You all have my permission to get back to work now.

It’s the new year and time for some new curling. The first half of the season is over, so if you’re going to make a move up the standings, now is the time. Also, if you had make-up games over the break, get the results to me if possible. Thanks

• Zimmerman – Dveris: Zimmerman is making things tough for almost everyone in the league. Dveris can hit shots and cause their own troubles, but I think Zimmerman will make it happen this week.
• McLellan – Lickteig: McLellan has had plenty of close matches this year and can hang with most. This could be the week to hastle Lickteig, most of them are probably still trying to remember what year it is. However, spy reports indicate that Lickteig participated in some kind of unholy 2 on 2 curling sacrilege over the break which could spell doom for McLellan.
• Dubois – McLaughlin: McLaughlin better channel the spirit of the north this week. Maybe watch Strange Brew and listen to some Leonard Cohen because Dubois are feeling extra Canadian and will use that to their advantage.
• Boomer – Anderson: All brooms on deck, it’s time for Boomer to sweep off those holiday pounds trying to fight off the ‘giners but all the sweeping in the world won’t be enough to rub away the 2 on 2 shenanigans that Anderson was also a part of.
• Long – Hammes: This is it Hammes. You are being picked for real. I suggest you start your social in the first end and bring in a wheelbarrow full of PBR for the Long fellows. Then in the fourth, you hit them with the Tequila Rose. That should cause a forfeit and lead to your first official win.
• Jansen – Pylka: This is the match to watch this week. I’m seeing some big back and forth swings in the score and definitely an extra end. Jansen will do what Jansen does best, but in the end, Pylka will pull it out, like they have a habit of doing.
• Moll – Lawrence: I’d keep one eye on this sheet too. Both rinks are capable of putting together a complete competent match, and neither shies away from a fight. Moll has a slight advantage this season, so if they can take it easy during their pregame, they should emerge victorious.
• Lichty – McGovern: A classic match up that is quickly becoming the stuff of legend. This year the official McGovern biographer will be on hand to take in the spectacle first hand so it can be entered into the annals of McGovern lore. Lichty will have a police sketch artist there to capture the moments of agony and triumph in stunning pastels. A hot dog vendor will also make the rounds at 9:30, please have correct change.

Maybe it’s a little early, but we should probably start talking about the Metro League winter chili feed. See you on the ice.

You guys are lucky this week. I’m out of town surveying the damage from the Pineapple Express, so nobody has to deal with me. Let’s hope that my team can keep it together without me. The halfway point is here.

• Long – Moll: I really want Long to progress in this league. They definitely have the style, they just need the skill. Moll has been making strides in the last few weeks and will want to continue that this time around. I highly recommend following them over to the Gnome in the aftermath.
• Boomer – Hammes: I wish I could be there to see this, but I feel like this is Hammes’ week. Everything will come together for them, a winning coin flip, a tasty social, and a wicked hex will all combine for the perfect storm. I suggest both teams take cabs to the club because they’ll all be drinking heavily during and after this historic event. Hammes for the win!
• Jansen – Rokke: In keeping with the tradition of mis-picking Jansen, I’m totally going with Rokke (NR) on this one. Even the best brooms in the world can’t sweep hard enough to turn the tide here.
• McGovern – Pylka: Pylka has been wandering like a nation without a leader while McGovern has been all business this season. If they can survive without their star player, McGovern should take it.
• McLellan – Anderson: Always the wildcard, McLellan takes on the ephemeral Anderson this week. If the sweater vest fits wear it but if the ice is fast, Anderson brings home the W.
• Dubois – Dveris: This one could go late. I think that some readjustments by Dubois and some determination from Dveris will lead to a very close match. I see an extra end prompted by a eighth end hammer malfunction with a dramatic win by Dubois in the ninth.
• Zimmerman – Lickteig: This could be one for the ages. A pillar of the league takes on the new hotshots. If Lickteig can get their stopwatch properly calibrated they could have a chance, but Zimmerman has been on a roll and it will be tough to stop that train. This is one of those picks where the head goes against the heart. I’m going to have to go with my head on this one and give it to Zimmerman.
• Rohde – Lawrence: Another nail biter. These folks are deadlocked, and a win for either would mean a boost in the standings. If the wigs come out, I see a Lawrence victory.

If someone wanted to take the time to send me a photo of the sheet at the end of the night, I’d appreciate it. Good luck and merry Christmas to all.