Metro League News

Short on time this week.

• Dubois – Hammes: 4^th end bubbles lead to an effervescent Dubois win.
• McLellan – Long: McLellan outwits Long’s recycled strategy.
• Lichty – Anderson: Lichty breathes fire as Anderson continues to unravel.
• Dveris – Rokke: Rokke beware and Dveris plays the spoiler again.
• McLaughlin – Rohde: Less is more with a Rohde win.
• Boomer – Lawrence: This laugh riot should be a primetime sitcom, Lawrence is less bad.
• Zimmerman – Moll: Sheet 7’s proximity to the Gnome favors Moll.
• McGovern – Jansen: Bad things have happened on sheet 8 between these two, McGovern remembers.

Fill out your wins and losses if you haven’t. My standings are incomplete.

Warm days lead to some hot curling during week 14.

• Lichty – Lickteig: There was a time when the whole league would gather around to watch this rivalry unfold, a young Lickteig and an even younger Lichty would posture and deliberate over every pebble and ridge, dragging the match into the wee hours of a frosty Thursday morning. But that plane has sailed. With maturity, Lickteig has gained efficiency and the consistent tempo of a German metronome. Lichty, on the other hand, has been reported to the manager (more than once) for sniffing glue in club basement. I’m sure it was a big misunderstanding. Lickteig tics then tocks to a 10:45 win.
• Dveris – Pylka: I’m about ready to declare Dveris the league wildcard, they’ve had some brilliant games this season but their record doesn’t reflect their true potential. I think it’s all a well-rehearsed ruse meant to keep the league reeling. Pylka plays like a union electrician; they show up, do good work and keep the flair to a minimum. Hard to call but I’ll give a slight advantage to the brotherhood.
• Boomer – Long: Man-o-man this one will be a treat. Although it’s not immediately apparent, this faceoff is some sort of interstellar 10 year wormhole reach-around………. Let that sink in……… Boomer?
• Jansen – Lawrence: What match could be more Tom and Jerry? This time, Jansen gives the frying pan to the face.
• Zimmerman – Hammes: This match may very well be the largest concentration of females on the ice at one time during Metro league play ever. Be careful that the Bonnies don’t try to recruit the lot. I predict an extra long 4^th end, with, do I detect, hmmm, something fruity for the occasion? I’m pretty sure Hammes are far enough out of college to have their Boones Farm privilege revoked, but, something more mature but equally undrinkable, why, yes, I definitely predict a round or two of 99 Bananas. Zimmerman
• McLellan – Moll: We all know the Moll pre-game routine well but McLellan’s is shrouded in mystery. Speculation indicates that things get quite elaborate starting at about 8:00 am with team pedicures and mimosas and just get weird from there.  Whatever works, Moll hosts next door.
• McGovern – Rohde: Two data driven rinks come together here on sheet 7. Expect charts and graphs and stats to fly around like dung at the Como Zoo chimp cage. McGovern comes out clean with science!
• McLaughlin – Rokke: The observations of Rokke NR continue as the entire league tries to uncoil the enigma of them and their dominance. This week, McLaughlin has volunteered to go in and poke around in the name of disclosure. In the next few weeks, we expect to release a white paper detailing the strengths and fractures of this newly discovered entity. Not much hope is held out for McLaughlin as Rokke doesn’t seem to be bothered by opposition too much.

 

Not getting any action on the chili thing. Bye.

Lucky 13 this week for those of you who believe in luck.

• McLellan – Lawrence: These teams aren’t that far apart on paper, but McLellan is still a little wet behind the ears relatively speaking. Lawrence had a big win last week so if they can all remember where the club is, they should get another win.
• McLaughlin – McGovern: The whiskey will be flowing on sheet 2 as a battle of the clans unfolds. Let’s all hope they don’t get all traditional with the kilts and the lack of proper undergarments. Avert your eyes from this one and assume that McGovern marches to victory.
• Hammes – Pylka: Pylka beware, while you might not invest much in the supernatural, Hammes is well versed in the dark arts. Being the 13^th week, the power of the hex is unusually strong so most shots will favor Hammes. This might be enough to best a lesser team, but the goodness of Pylka should be sufficient to overcome. If the 4^th end social has a vapor component to it, I would suggest Pylka decline.
• Lichty – Moll: The spirit of Beranek returned last weekend to endow Moll with fortitude and vigor. Embracing this temporary youthfulness will give Moll the necessary lift to best a prodigal Lichty.
• Dveris – Jansen: A well-deserved rest could give Jansen a boost this week but the still deep waters of Dveris are often taken too lightly. It’s Jansen’s laurels that will be their undoing while Dveris sneaks away with a steal.
• Lickteig – Rohde: I’m going to call management and see if we can’t get a 4^th end re-pebble for this match. The intensity of these rinks combined is enough to wear a sheet flat in half the time. One can only hope that Lickteig can lighten the mood with some pre-game yoga by the broken candy machine.
• Anderson – Rokke: It might be tough to keep an eye on this one, but you’ll want to, as it will mostly likely be the closest match of the night. While Anderson may have felt shafted last week, they should be able to dislodge said shaft and use it for good. Rokke (not Rokke) has had a banner inaugural year, but I expect another loss or two are in their future including one to Anderson this week.
• Dubois – Long: Bring out the tights and leggings and leg warmers and scarves and fox stoles and flannel this week, it’s going to get woodsy on sheet 8. The comforting aromas of a wood fire and warm scotch will create a haze over the match such that none will be able to see the far house. After two plus hours of chopping and pushing, Dubois will glide out of the mist on a canoe filled with beaver pelts elderberries. Too bad you can’t smoke a pipe upstairs anymore.

Now get out there and curl.

P.S.  Does anyone want to take over coordinating the Metro League Chili Night? The former organizer is wishing to pass the torch. If folks value that event and want it to continue, please talk to me for information about helping out. It isn’t too much work.